There are wounds that nobody can see.They do not leave scars on the body, but they can remain in the mind for decades. Sometimes they begin with something as simple as a comment, a comparison, a joke, or a look from another person.

For me, one of those wounds began in childhood.

I was born with brown skin.There is absolutely nothing wrong with having brown skin. It is simply the color of the skin I was born with. But as a child, I did not understand that. I only understood what I saw around me and what I heard from people.

I gradually learned that, in the society around me, lighter skin was often considered more beautiful or desirable than darker or brown skin.And that message affected me deeply.
I remember those childhood days when my uncle called me by the name of a black cobra.For him it may be joke but for me it was a nidle slipping in my brain.

When a Child Begins to Feel Different

Children are extremely sensitive.They may not understand society, prejudice, beauty standards, or psychology, but they understand very quickly when they are being treated differently.

During my early childhood, I began becoming conscious of my skin color.I started comparing myself with other children.Whenever I saw someone with lighter skin being praised for their appearance, I became more aware of my own appearance.Perhaps nobody sat down and told me directly that I was less valuable because of my skin.

But children don't need a formal lesson to develop an insecurity.

A few comments here.

A comparison there.

A joke from someone.

A careless remark from another person.

Slowly, these things become part of a child's thinking.I began to believe that something was wrong with me.And that belief became an inferiority complex.

The Beginning of Lost Confidence

The greatest damage was not to my appearance.It was to my confidence.When a child starts believing that he is somehow less attractive, less worthy, or less acceptable than others, that belief can influence almost everything.

It can affect the way he speaks.

It can affect the way he behaves.

It can affect whether he raises his hand in class.

It can affect whether he wants to meet new people.

It can affect friendships.

It can affect ambitions.

Most importantly, it can affect the way he sees himself.

That is what happened to me.I gradually became less confident.Instead of thinking, "I am good enough," I began thinking about how other people might see me.

Instead of concentrating entirely on what I could achieve, part of my mind was occupied with how I looked and how can i change my complexion from brown to white.

This may sound like a small thing to someone who has never experienced it.It is not.When an insecurity enters a child's mind at an early age, it can become a voice that follows him for years may be all his life.

The Tragedy of Comparing Ourselves

Looking back, I realize that one of my biggest mistakes was comparing myself with others.I compared my skin.I compared my appearance.I compared the attention other people received.And every comparison made me feel smaller.

This is one of the most dangerous habits a person can develop.There will almost always be someone who is richer.Someone who is more attractive.Someone who is taller.Someone who is more successful.Someone who is more educated.Someone who appears more confident.

If we measure our worth against everyone around us, we can spend our entire life believing that we are not enough. And I learned this lesson much later than I should have.

The Effects Can Last for Years

The most painful part of childhood insecurity is that it does not necessarily disappear when childhood ends.A child grows up, but the beliefs formed during childhood can grow with him.That happened to me.

The lack of confidence I developed in my early years affected different parts of my life.

There were opportunities when I could have been more confident.

There were situations where I could have spoken more openly.

There were moments when I could have believed in myself more strongly.

But the old voice was still there. And It whispered:

"What will people think?"

"Maybe you are not good enough."

"Maybe someone else is better than you."

That voice was not the truth.But when we hear something repeatedly for many years, it can begin to feel like the truth.

Color Does Not Determine Character

As I became older and gained more experience, I slowly began to understand something very important.

The color of a person's skin has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of their character.

Brown skin does not make someone inferior.

Fair skin does not make someone superior.

Skin color cannot determine intelligence.

It cannot determine honesty.

It cannot determine kindness.

It cannot determine courage.

It cannot determine someone's ability to succeed.

A person's real beauty is found in character, behavior, knowledge, compassion, courage, and the way they treat other people.Unfortunately, children do not always understand this.

That is why adults have an enormous responsibility.

What We Teach Children Matters

Parents, teachers, relatives, and society all have an influence on how children see themselves.

When adults repeatedly praise one skin color while making negative comments about another, children notice.When advertisements and social conversations constantly associate lighter skin with beauty and success, children notice.When families compare children based on appearance, children remember.Sometimes adults think they are making harmless comments.But children may carry those comments for years.This is why we need to be extremely careful about the words we use around children.A child should never grow up believing that his natural appearance is something he needs to apologize for.

Every child deserves to hear:

"You are valuable exactly as you are."

I Wish I Had Understood This Earlier

If I could go back and speak to my younger self, I would tell that little boy something very different from what he believed.

I would tell him:

"Your skin is not your weakness."

"You do not need to change your color to deserve respect."

"You are not less valuable than anyone else."

"Do not let somebody else's idea of beauty become your opinion of yourself."

"Your future will be determined by what you do with your abilities, not by the color of your skin."

I wish that child had understood those things.Perhaps his journey would have been different.Perhaps he would have walked with his head a little higher.Perhaps he would have spoken with greater confidence.Perhaps he would have taken more chances.

But life does not allow us to go back and rewrite our childhood.It allows us to learn from it.

The Lesson I Want to Give Young People

If you are a young person reading this and you feel insecure about your appearance, please remember one thing:

Do not allow society's definition of beauty to become your definition of yourself.

Your skin is only one small part of who you are.

Develop your mind.

Develop your character.

Learn useful skills.

Read.

Work hard.

Treat people well.

Build confidence through competence.

When you become good at something meaningful, your confidence begins to come from somewhere much deeper than appearance.And never allow another person's prejudice to become your identity.

A Message to Parents and Teachers

There is another lesson I want to leave with parents and teachers.Please be careful with children's self-esteem.A child who constantly hears that another child is more beautiful, more attractive, or more desirable may eventually start believing that he or she is less worthy.Instead, praise children for qualities that will help them throughout life.

Praise their honesty.

Praise their effort.

Praise their courage.

Praise their kindness.

Praise their curiosity.

Praise their determination.

Teach them that appearance is only one small part of a human being.Most importantly, teach them not to judge other people by skin color.

I No Longer Want My Skin Color to Define My Story

I cannot change the color of the skin I was born with.And today, I don't want to.What I can change is the meaning I attach to it.For many years, I allowed an unfair social standard to influence the way I saw myself.Today, I understand that my value was never determined by my skin.

My experiences, my struggles, my failures, my achievements, my relationships, my knowledge, and the way I treat others are much more important parts of my identity.Perhaps this is one of the most important lessons my life has taught me.

We cannot always control what society says about us, but we can eventually decide what we believe about ourselves.

My childhood insecurity took away some of my confidence.But it did not have to take away the rest of my life.Every day gives us an opportunity to challenge the beliefs that once held us back.And perhaps that is the positive lesson I want to leave with anyone who has ever felt inferior because of their appearance:

You were never born inferior.

You were born as yourself.

Your worth was there from the beginning.

Sometimes it simply takes us many years to recognize it.